Monday, December 04, 2006

God is Sovereign even in our sorrow...

We are sorrowful, yet rejoice in the sovereignty of our Lord.

On Thursday I took a home pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. I estimated that I was about 5 - 6 weeks along. We were excited! On Saturday I started spotting and began cramping and bleeding heavily on Sunday at church. I called the doctor and was told that because it was so early in the pregnancy, there was nothing they could do and I would need to wait until today to be seen. We had an ultrasound this afternoon and I will see the doctor tomorrow. The ultrasound showed there was an "illness" in my uterus and no sac could be seen. The doctor called and said it could be too early in the pregnancy to see a sac, but she felt there was no sac because I was miscarrying. Physically, I'm beginning to feel better. This morning was proably the worst. It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions the last few days, but we're beginning to level out.

Jonathan and I said when I was pregnant with Emma and with this baby that these children are not our own. Emma and this child belong to God to do what He will to glorify Himself. We take comfort in knowing that God formed even this child's inward parts; He knitted him together in his mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13) We pray He will use this loss in our lives to glorify Himself and draw us closer to Him. My specific prayer is that Jonathan and I will be able to minister to others through this loss. I pray that our faith in our Sovereign Lord through this will cause questions. And that the answers to those questions may lead to more conversation.

We know God causes sorrow and that we should expect it. Our lives would be empty without the mercy that was given to us on the cross. We are thankful for the hope that Christ alone gives, even during this time.

We covet your prayers during this time and are so thankful for the few people who've known up to this point who have loved us and have been praying for us. To God be the glory forever and ever!

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nicole, we are so sorry for your loss...we are thinking of you and praying for you. Lots of love--((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Nicole, your words are already ministering to others. You and your family continue to be prayed for and I do hope that the worst is behind you. I, too, believe that each child is a blessing from God and that every life, no matter how long or short, has meaning and purpose. God be with you during this difficult time. Love and peace, Deanna

Unknown said...

"...who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Cor. 1:4
What you said is true, Nicole. He will use this for His glory through you. Our hope is in Him alone. We love you guys.

Anonymous said...

How we wish we could hold you physically, but we hold you in our hearts. We are so thankful for your faith and obedience. May you continue to feel his touch in the hurts of your loss...
We love you so,
Mom and Dad aka GiGi-Pops

beth said...

We join you and Jonathan praying that God will continue to comfort your hearts and use your loss as a channel of blessing for others.
We love you.

Anonymous said...

Jonathan and Nicole,
I am so sorry about your baby. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling. I pray that you won’t miss whatever “jewels” God has for you as you walk this rough path--and learn of Him more deeply as you go. What a comfort that as His children you can cling to His goodness and love and sovereignty and know that your precious one is safe in the arms of Jesus.
I love you guys.
--Amanda

Unknown said...

Nicole, your perspective is so telling of God's grace in your heart right now. Thank you for sharing so openly about something so painful. I trust with you in God's good purposes for you guys. He is receiving much glory from you, and I know He is pleased. Praying...

Kerrie said...

What you said was beautiful and couldn't have been said better. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

How wonderful to serve a sovereign God who allows sorrows that make a crook in the road to teach us to trust Him more! Our hearts were broken at your loss and we, too, shed tears. But the words of Prov. 3:5-6 are so true: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall make straight your paths." You both continue in our prayers as you sit at His feet and learn from Him wrapped in His loving arms.
Love, Mom and Dad Kelly

Dee Lanier said...

Oh, Nicole...we love you guys and am so sorry to hear of this but so encouraged by your words. You are ALREADY ministering to others in what the Lord has given you. Dee & I will be praying for you in this. Hope to see you soon!
Love you!
stacey

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss Nicole! You are right- God is Sovereign even in our sorrow. We can take comfort in that. When Annie was only a couple of months old I started displaying all the signs of pregnancy that I had the previous three times. We took a test and it showed positive. We were surprised but once again delighted! Exactly one week later I had a little cramping and started bleeding. I had not even gone in for my first appt yet. I called the OB. To make a long story short- their were some issues that made it hard to know if I had received a false positive or had a really early miscarriage. My OB ended up concluding that he felt the egg had not stuck to my tube. He said many women miscarry when this happens and never even know they were pregnant because it happens so early. We will never really know for sure what happened and are left to wonder if we have a little one in heaven? I remember the sad devastating feelings as if it happened yesterday. One of best friends had suffered through multiple miscarriages (8 to be exact) and went on to have more after that. Through my own experience I was able to better understand her grief and emotions. I had always grieved with her in her losses but now felt as though I understood what she had gone through in a much deeper way. He does allow us to go through things to help minister to others in their pain. We are praying for you guys right now during your grief and sorrow. Much love to you!!

Nicole said...

Thank you to all of you for your prayers! We are doing well and we know it's because we have been bathed in prayer.

The grace God has given us through this is more than we deserve!

We thank Him for each of you (both those who've left comments and those who haven't).

Melanie said...

I hope you got my voice mail. I had been avoiding leaving a comment because I wanted to talk to you first. I want to add to all the sentiment that has been given to you by you other faithful friends and family. We believe in a sovereign God who bears our greif and carries our sorrows. We pray that you and Jonathan continue to give both over to the Lord as He, in turn, comforts you. We love you and will be praying for you both.

Rachael Starke said...

Hi Nicole,

Well it sems we have something besides our dear friend Kelly in common, as that exact same thing happened to me just two years ago this week. I was surprised by how much pain I went through in the weeks that followed, but two things I learned for which I will always thank God - 1. That I now have another reason to long to be in Heaven. 2. That, in the smallest of ways, I was given the blessing of experience something of what God did in losing a child. In my case it was not intentional, but in God's case it was completely intentional, and for my greatest good. Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us . . .